25 Oct 2013

Design a Golem, Win Mister Sparkles!


Earlier this month, I ran a competition where you could win a Mini Mister Sparkles for Guild Wars 2. But there was a catch: to enter, you needed to design a competition that someone else could win. It was a little fiendish and so very meta, generating a huge number of ideas. Well done to everyone that took part, and congratulations to the winners!

I still have five more Mister Sparkles Mini codes to give away. After taking the best entries from the previous contest, I think I’ve come up with a fair but flexible way that you could win one of the remaining codes.

Update: The competition is now closed, and I’ll be announcing the winners early next week. Thanks to everyone that took part!

The Second Competition

Many of the entries last time suggested a design competition. So, in true Asuran fashion, I’m asking you to design a golem of your own! You can either make it a multi-purpose assistant, or choose to specialize it in some way. The choice is completely up to you.

Here’s the twist: the design can take any form you wish. Draw a schematic. Write out a specification. Use your inventory to plan something. Create a comic to show it in action. If you want, you can even use poetry.

I’ll be judging the entries based on their Asuran principles, engineering rigor and, above all, creativity. As before, entries must be pasted as a comment on this thread. It’s also fine for you to link to external galleries or material if you need to. Just drop me a mail if the spamfilter eats your post – gazimoff [at] manaobscura.com – or if you have any other concerns.

The closing date is going to be two weeks from now on Friday, November 8th 2013. There are five Mister Sparkles Mini codes up for grabs as well, so you’re in with a good chance.

Engineers, design me a golem!

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30 Responses to Design a Golem, Win Mister Sparkles!

  1. NaturesProfit says:

    Thanks for running this! Excited to see what will come about. =)

    My entry is here:

    I would try copy/pasting, but knowing how long it took me using reddit’s formatting (and how many times I failed), I considered it best to just link to it.

  2. Draakh says:

    Loading transmission and reception of the blueprints . . .
    Bzzt, Bzzt.

    Greetings Gazimoff !
    I’m Draakh, member in good standing of the College of Dynamics, from Rata Sum.
    I heard you were looking for some awesome inventions. I am, undoubtedly, the genius you need.

    Here is my proposal :

    Name : Cyclo-Andro-Golem-of-Energy (C.A.G.E.)
    Creator : Me
    Crafting material : 50 Charged Core, 50 Charged Lodestone, 250 Deldrimor Steel Ingot, 42 Silver Doubloon
    Manufacturing Terms : a week of hard work, with 10 underpaid skritts and 2 asuran supervisors.
    Do not put the skritts together, to avoid any rebellion. Make them take turns, instead.
    Function : Carry things with the right arm, crush other things with the left arm, make light with its front eye.
    Example : Recover lost kittens in trees, crush other Asuran competitors, enlighten my genius.

    If you want any additional details about my golem, please contact my lab assistant, at Rata Sum.

    “Golems and Golem’s law lay hide in Night. Draakh said “Let C.A.G.E. be !” and All was Light”. ~Draakh

  3. Khani says:

    Greetings and Salutations Gazimoff,

    As a scholar of the College of Dynamics I have developed a prototype Quaggan Egg Incubation Unit. While the blueprints are quite simplistic, I do hope you will see the true genius in my work. Blueprints of my work can be seen here: http://i.imgur.com/dge8Ozf.jpg

    Should you desire further details I can provide you with a full color sketch of the intended design.

    My Norn assistant Maggie Jackdaw will be my Tyrian Representative and she can be contacted if you need further information.

    May the Alchemy be on your side,

  4. Pingback: Link Dead Radio: Ranting, WoW clones, and Twitch Time | Healing the masses

  5. Celestial Vengeance says:

    Greetings! My name is Celestial Vengeance, and I am here on behalf of the Skritt known as…skritt. Attached is a message from the creature, as well as a drawing I have altered in order to assist the little fellow.
    Win a shiny? SHINY!
    Skritt find talking box on Grey-ears fancy desk, promise shinies, MUST GET SHINYS.
    Skritt have idea, make machine-man better to get even MORE shinies. Design will dig more shinies faster, and help keep rotten plantmen and evil grey-ears away!
    Skritt’s design would be built on machineman base, would use Charr Boom-stick for owies, and dredge diggy spinner to dig many!
    Skritt’s Machine-man: http://i.imgur.com/qKlsVMf.png
    Rough translation you ask? Well…I suspect it goes something like this:
    A chance at winning a Mr. Sparkles? Amazing!
    I found a voice message on an Asuran’s desk that told of the prize, and I am eager to enter.
    My idea was to take a Basic Golem, and improve it so it can acquire valuable items quickly, while still packing some punch to discourage other looters.
    My design is built on an Asuran Golem, and would add items such as a Charrzooka to fight off foes, and a dredge digging machine to help reach hard to get items.

    I hope that was adequate to clear up the little guys message. Thank you for your consideration!

  6. Jeromai says:

    Greetings and salutations!

    Fortified walls in the Mist War get you down? I bring to you the next evolution of siege golem, just as game-changing as the Omega Golem from an Alpha.


    (Additional images can be viewed at: http://imgur.com/a/wgbq8)

    The Omicron Golem is designed to tackle what the Alphas and Omegas cannot, the solid stone and metal structures of a keep left too long in enemy hands. Why endure primitive bookah technology like catapults and trebuchets pounding away for eons when you can roll up in air-conditioned comfort and direct the Omicron to deconstruct fortifications just as rapidly as Omegas on gates?

    Inspired by a historical image discovered in an old abandoned asuran lab (http://wiki.guildwars2.com/wiki/File:Giant_Golem_concept_art.jpg), and re-utilizing salvaged Inquest technology for better purposes (http://wiki.guildwars2.com/wiki/Omicron_Proto-Golem), this new design marries the latest in eco-friendly thaumafusion power crystals with the robustness and longevity of a proven golem construction material: granite.

    It is eventually biodegradeable, but will last you centuries! (See footnote 1 in small print.)

    Its four-legged chassis is able to navigate rough terrain where wheels or bipedal models may operate at severely reduced efficiencies. Its three-digit hands are numerically efficient, with each digit able to rotate independently and form a claw or hook as required for grasping material or a shovel for earth-moving. Its camera and vision functions are programmed for wavelengths in the electromagnetic spectrum from infrared to x-rays to best determine optimal areas of weaknesses to attack a fortification.

    An add-on purchase can be made for lens crystals and arcane mirrors that generate a defensive laser beam from its eye. Other optional add-ons include cushioned seats for asura and bookah sizes, an audio-generator that automatically provides music for optimum relaxed alertness or aggression as the situation dictates, and an excellent espresso machine.

    No sentient creatures were harmed in the making of this golem.

    Yours truly,
    Genius Inventor, Pact Commander, and the distinctly better half of
    Shudd & Shodd’s Agency for World Domination

    1: Claim does not apply in eventualities such as hostile acts of the enemy, civil commotion, sabotage, or other unforeseen acts of gods. Fire, flood and earthquakes may increase wear-and-tear and induce diminished operating lifespan.
    Jeromai recently posted..GW2: Tower of Nightmares – First ThoughtsMy Profile

  7. Trikki says:

    I present to you a marvel of Golemancy. Instead of breaking your backs to carry all those pesky supplies in the Mists for building siege golems…use your brain…by building an Advanced Neurocybernetic Transport, or A.N.T. for short. Keep all those much-needed supplies safe and sound in this super-defended Golem that transports much more than you and your fellows could possibly carry at once.
    It not only loads and unloads supplies super fast, it defends those supplies (and it’s driver) with both a running shield and a static shield bubble, it also sports a short speed boost and the ever-useful Whirling Assault.

    Seriously, I have no idea why no one has thought of this before! Leave it to an Asura to see the need before anyone else and fill it with a brilliant design.




  8. Lenitas says:

    Get your J.U.K.E. on…
    … with this ready-to-assemble, do-it-yourself kit. Contains all components needed: basic golem, boom speakers, amplifier, one energy crystal and easy-to-use instruction leaflet. Simply place all items into the nearest Mystic Forge(TM) and take home your very own J.U.K.E. for unlimited fun.


    Limited two year warranty. The menufacturer of this product cannot be held liable for any injuries such as electrocution, dismemberment, or dimensional shift.

  9. Jakros says:

    Greetings, Gazimoff! My name is Jakros, and I represent the College of Statics. The ongoing conflict in Orr, in addition to recent troubles with the Aetherblades, have necessitated a new generation of militarized golem. With that in mind, I present the SPHINX, the first in a new line of revolutionary battle-ready automatons.


    The SPHINX has a quadrupedal leg configuration, which allows it access to a far wider variety of terrain than ever before. The addition of a miniaturized gateway on the front allows the golem to be operated remotely by a skilled pilot, as well as providing convenient supply transportation to those in the field!

    Contact your local golem retailer today!

  10. Ferrum Blacktide says:

    Introducing the corvette of siege golems… The Zeta! Faster, lighter and 6x more powerful than your average siege golem, the Zeta has been equipped with some pretty powerful accessories! Enough with the words – Let it speak for itself:


    Contact the Vette Krew for more information or if interested in purchasing. Further weaponization available on request.

  11. Laevvi says:

    Annoying Reminder Golem (ARG)

    Which genius has never faced this problem? There are countless important matters like wars to be planned, enemies to be crushed, dragons to be annihilated and ancient treasures to be unearthed – of course all of that only possible because of one’s own brilliancy and resourcefulness…

    And then utterly unimportant tasks like household chores or writing essays for an institution called “school” or “university” in a severely underdeveloped and intellectually not at all stimulating place called “Real Life” demand the genius’s attention, despite being an utter waste of their time that could be spent so much better.

    Yet, the aforementioned underdeveloped place is filled with bookahs who have no understanding whatsoever of the importance of a genius to keep Tyria from its destruction, so from time to time, we geniuses have to suppress our own ingenuity to deal with this unworthy “Real Life” place.

    It is hard for a genius like us to let go of all our striking ideas, so this is where my new invention comes into play. This useful little helper called Annoying Reminder Golem (ARG) assists us with letting go of our brilliancy, in several phases of intensity, shall it prove to be necessary.

    Phase 1:
    The golem reminds the genius of his/her duties in the underdeveloped “Real Life” place with visual notifications. For this purpose, it is equipped with various text signs to hold up into the genius’s field of view to block out the sight of any distracting influences from outside. If this friendly reminder is ignored or pushed aside, phase 2 will be initiated.

    Phase 2:
    The golem will support the text signs with spoken notifications about the duties in Real Life. This phase can be seen as an extension of phase 1. In case this phase fails to catch the genius’s attention as well, the golem’s routine will proceed to phase 3.

    Phase 3:
    The golem will perform a severe rise in sound intensity and is equipped with a megaphone for this purpose. The reminder unit will start to play a sequence of very annoying alarm signals and mechanical laughter meant to suppress the genius’s superior thinking abilities. If everything else fails, the final phase 4 will be initiated, but be warned to avoid letting it come this far.

    Phase 4:
    While maintaining the pre-recorded mechanical laughter, the golem unit will attach itself to the genius’s next loot chest with the help of suction cup feet, blocking the chest lid from being opened. In addition, the golem will confiscate the key to said chest and will not return it to the genius prior to carrying out his/her duty in the much hated Real Life place.


    Test Journal Entry 174.2: The reminder unit used the text sign as a primitive weapon against me yesterday. Have to fix this bug urgently to prevent further damage to my valuable head.

  12. Emrar Emorsson says:

    The Yakslapper-Slapper-Golem (Ya.S.S.G.)

    Behold my Norn engineering ingenuity! Fix some horns to a golem and give it a big club – perfect Dolyak guarding golem.


    Far too long have these gentle giants been slapped to their deaths in brutal and meaningless WvW-matches while doing their duty of carrying supplies. To stop this senseless reduction in the Yak population which angers the great yak-spirit, your local Siege Master now offers these incredulous blueprints so you too can protect your beloved yaks.

    The next version will probably feature an ale cooler too!

    Stop WvWar – plant a tree,

  13. Shyralon says:

    As you might have noticed during your journeys through Tyria, there’s a new threat rising. Krait and Nightmare Court have formed an alliance, the so called “Toxic Alliance”, which are polluting the air in Kessex Hills with their toxic spores.
    I, the well renowned genius Tnaxx, Snaff thinker of the year, present to you the S.G. “Air-Clean”, the solution for all your problems.
    The S.G. “Air-Clean” is a heavily modified Omega Siege Golem, build to spread antitoxin really quick through high performance steam jets.
    With the help of my golem, Kessex Hills will be as clean as before in no time!

    To construct the S.G. “Air-Clean” you need the following:

    – Blueprints for a siege golem, can be bought in the Eternal Battlegrounds
    – 250 Toxic Spores are needed for a sufficient amount of antitoxin.
    Just bring them to Marjory in Kessex Hills, she will produce the antitoxin for you.
    – To build the antitoxin tank and the pipe system, you need to capture the “slickpack” item from Twilight Arbor Aetherpath. Scarlets technology is the ideal base to build the S.G. “Air-Clean”
    – And, of course, you need my original Blueprints, which can be found here:

    For more information and help during the assemblage, contact the “Tnaxx Krew”.

    Getting hands on a Mister Sparkle Golem, one of the most advanced golems ever build, would increase the efficiency of the S.G. “Air-Clean” V2, which is currently under developement enormously.
    Save Quaggans, Humans and the beatiful Kessex Hills! Give a Mister Sparkle to the “Tnaxx Krew” to support the development!

  14. Flummox says:

    Hello, my name is Professor Flummox and because of specific circumstances am forced to be here on behalf of a half wit cat and a bookah who i was requisited to work with. This mostly charr engineered, but obviously designed by a vastly superior mind such as mine golem is the result.

    Being a product without a base regulated krewe, i had to file the report to the arcane council for the so called L.O.O.T industries.

    But i digress, so fellow adventurers, are you tired already of killing the servants of jormag in a mindless cycle? Do you lack the time for polymock, costume brawls and walking your minis? We have he solution for you, the unique D.I.B.S golem!

    The Destryoer variant Icebrood Slayer golem (engineering structure based on Flame Legion constructs) is a top class *cough despite its lack of style and obvious charr industrial influence* service golem with the primary Frostgorge route programmed for optimal gathering of resources from fallem enemies. The compound effigy plans allow for a power suit use variant *even if not recommended without a air filtration device* for direct control of its many features.

    Sadly because of the fees on transportation and multiplication of the leaflets, i bring you one of the many prints from the construction phase.
    Also remember, have fun and always call dibs on the loot *ahhh so thats why they wanted those names*!

  15. Flummox says:

    Sodding link code didnt work… so here http://s8.postimg.org/uijgv0vxg/Mech_suit_golem_GW22.jpg.

  16. Omicron Golem

    upload pictures online

    Consists of a Xunlai Electrum&Mithrillium mix
    Power +3765 Attack +4215
    Precision +1823 Critical Chance +72%
    Toughness +2401 Armor +2458
    Vitality +15622 Health +156220

    Multi Grab Chain&Extendable Claw

    1 Juggernaught Punch 1 0 Unstoppable Punch
    2 Whirling Punch 5½ 12 High speed punch hitting multiple targets.
    3 Shield Bubble 0 30 Engage the suit’s shield bubble to block projectiles.
    4 Multi Pull 2¼ 30 Launch Multiple Chains to pull foes from walls.
    5 Eject 1 0 Eject from the Siege Golem.

    Lastest Asuran Power unit with full exhaust system:

    Soon time soon

  17. Trekks the Arcanist says:

    Greetings asuran colleagues…

    I’m Trekks, golemancer of synergetic college and always travelling arcanist working actually for the priory (because in Metrica province I’m always surrounded by incompetents).
    This is an idea I had when the cave spiders eat for the third time my packages dolyaks crossing northern Magumaa jungle. I would try to make the perfect assistant fiting to my expectations in research, and the standards golems are so limited for that…
    So I’m humbly requesting for your benevolent attention on this unfinished introduction and *feigning modesty*
    Anyway, there are the plans *place a crystalline cube on a strange device at his side and a holographic model appears*By the way… i made a translation for not Tyrian strangers.

    Tyrian: http://imgur.com/lIjcubc
    Bookah version: http://imgur.com/BnzMMwn

    Code projet : 4357
    Type: Golem/power suit
    Name: D.A.N.G.E.R (Dreamt Assistant for Novice Geniuses and Experimental Researches).
    Short description: must be the dream of every asuran scientist and the best protector than even Snaff and Sandy would be jealous of it’s abilities.
    It Ally war technology and researches performances. The golem and the power suit; 2 opposites functions in a single creation:

    …awesome isn’t it?

    And here some more sketches and tries: http://imgur.com/KcblcSA

    Want engineering rigor? Then keep your brain cooled…it may take some time.
    So let’s start the presentation; firstly some technical details (resume for Bookah see below):

    D.A.N.G.E.R is based upon an omega siege golem reinforced structure. It integrates the following functions and these innovative parts:
    – (1) Leave rock or brittle granite for staticians… The golem is equipped with an armored force-field shield emitting multiples holo-plates anti projectiles in addition to a classical protection; model CH121 (should resist to heavy charr artillery), and a reinforced multilayer plating of Deldrimor steel and purified orichalcum nitride (micro hollow tetrahedral structures between plating for toughness and lightness of the frame) which make one of the best actual shielding…
    The entire structure is reinforced with an additional exoskeleton, cylinders keeping members together and sustaining add-ons, but the different parts of the body are still interconnected with massive power crystals (hidden) surrounded and protected by crystalline energetic field-container (otherwise it would attract the other golem’s power crystal nearby).

    – (2) Poly-metallic energy cells for temporary energy storage and infinite-fractal composed semiliquid thauma-crystal core generator, to remove every ten years by Skritts or slav…hum humm young assistant, away from gravimetric relays (reactor model Y460, prototype highly unstable from synergetic labs with a core of molten magnetite) and everything floating in general (the radiance scramble locally the gravity field)
    The fusion core work with purified water or liquor of ethanic limon (for cooling and defrosting capacities…that’s maybe why Oozes could survive in frost gorges) and samples of subaquatic creatures for carbonic and hydrogenous additive (Quaggan are the most effective…hey, put your peacemaker rifle down, I’m joking, the reactor is autonomous toward carburant)…moreover the remaining heat is permanently controlled and evacuated by always recharging Klabb’s well-known freeze crystals technology.

    – (3) To keep an entire control of the golem and conduct energy between the different joints of the body’s parts (the mains tetragonal-octahedral shoulder or tetra-hexahedral and dedocaedral leg crystals), the microscopic power crystals are conducting energy from the reactor across the gaps of the tetrahedral inter-plating structures, trapped in the metal. To create its, the miniature power crystals are enchanted in a liquid form uniformly at a very high temperature and frozen quickly to create microscopic crystalline structure in the liquid, which are used there; spreading the entire charge of the original crystal equally (Snaff used a powder of a single crystal, full of irregularity…and please don’t tell Zojja about this idea). Once the orichalcum prepared, the mini-crystals are trapped in the alloy and make it conductive without losses of energy and transmitt order from the four thauma-crystal main cores to every part of D.A.N.G.E.R…

    – (4) The reactor is installed in the back, protected with a force field bubble from sabotage and filtering the harmful radiance. A dual rocket launcher platform protects this critical spot.

    – (5) Each leg is equipped with four removable grippers, matching the shape of the soil, sustaining D.A.N.G.E.R and allowing a great stability with only two legs, but it actually slow down any sort of speed run…

    – (6) One arm equipped with a flamethrower (because it’s a really effective weapon against plants, bugs or risen) producing a fluoric (for chemicals burning) or simply a fuel jet, burst and flow controlled.
    Could also spread many liquid or gazes contained in the tank, minor modifications are sufficient to make it work…

    -Psi-coherent light beam integrated in the left arm to cut and pierce everything with precision (this tool is also a mean to dissipate the excess of energy from the reactor). The first option produce a little flame which could also weld metals perfectly.
    (7) The punch of right arm was designed to knock out an Ettin.
    (8) An option allows the installation of a grab, may be useful to finish a fugitive or help anyone (but so annoying to roll back).
    One arm to destroy or make tasks requiring strength, the other one to manipulates very fragile samples.
    All these option fits around the “hands” with four “fingers” kept under a sensitive control (three aren’t enough) which allows manipulations with a great precision.

    – (9) Last quadri-core golem intelligence placed frontally. In fact, there is four different crystal sharing data but able to work autonomously if the one of them don’t work (or is destroyed), in fact, there is really the intelligence of four standard golem inside. D.A.N.G.E.R could make multiple tasks simultaneously (even cooking) if you could add the good program.
    (10) This power of calculation allows the installation of a holographic augmented reality system in the cockpit, helping the scientist to coordinate the multiple sensors and get a better comprehension of the surrounding environment…
    It can even repair itself if the damages aren’t critical…
    (Of course, an anti-rebellion chip was integrated in D.A.N.G.E.R’s systems)
    The voice recognition bound the voice to a single people, his or her master, only one able to order the golem. Every usurper will be terminated immediately…

    -(11)Tow retractable storages for samples or experiments available (incinerator for dead subjects as option), or huge of tools and scientific equipment. The central part could drive a complete scanner or simply a combined oven and freezing box (intellectual work often makes me hungry)…
    D.A.N.G.E.R could also carry many package, but be careful, it is not a dolyak.

    – (12) I added the new system of hexagonal and octagonal articulations crystals, offering a front surface to the traction field created by superposition of tow powers crystals influence area. There parallel planes surfaces allow transmission of energy from the central reactor, then, the main crystals power crystal are recharging constantly and make work the different functions of the arms like weapons and captors.

    -The head part consists in laterals detector and some various etheric-waves detectors; added as a large band around the golem’s torso, tow rocket launchers optional with lockers could be placed on the shoulders.
    A visual archiver process and two spotlights are included, but holo-projector for videoconferences HD 6000 (from opticalium coterie) is an option.

    -The most important part, it could drop some little shiny bombs to keep skritts and other thieves away…

    -In emergency, a security mod included allows the owner to take place into the golem and escape the situation with fulmo-booster reactor jet programmed to land at the laboratory (efficiency not guaranteed in caverns…). I theses situations, all the energy from the reactor is driven to the boosters, stoping shields and weapons in profit to vital functions…
    Due to the weight of the golem, this system shouldn’t be used without care and the designer denies every death by fire from people standing too close to the reactors…
    Some jet propellers were added to the legs and retractable solid holographic rudders (maintained with a crystal) which facilitate submarine propulsion.
    With an air recycler, the golem could keep air for six hours.

    -In a battle situation, D.A.N.G.E.R is able to use 10 different skills when an omega golem could use only 6…
    Ect ect…and I certainly have forgotten many else…this comment is already very long.

    Bookah translation: The best multiuse golem…just remember that. You couldn’t understand the rest in any way…the suit function was designed for asura *smirk*

    *some yawning from judge later* well … I know I’d better now to stop me there…

    Note 16.2.1 for experiment report: Pseudo-technical speeches could apparently sleep many people in a very effective way; it should be a good idea for a paralyzing weapons against Skritt or any other form of under-intelligence.

    Overpowered did you say? crazy? Useless?

    To make it clear, the golem is a really complex part of work. But once the different part received, after a month of work of a single genius and some assistants, the golem would be ready for use. Just remembers that golem is not an offensive but a defensive one. D.A.N.G.E.R won’t crush walls or gates for any army (although it can technically); it was designed to be the best bodyguard and research assistant (and eventually suit) for every asura scientist. The swiss-knife in every situation. The high end of personal golemancy and asuran technology…

    I hope you will like it…
    The price? really…
    Hum…it’s an interesting topic *nervous* (The price isn’t displayable yet…because…hmm…because there is not enough paper to write the positive exponent).
    *try to escape the topic with discretion creating an illusion*

    [Seems that modesty doesn’t exist in asura vocabulary …hope the contest will be fun.
    As a student, haven’t got a scanner yet, hope a photo of a drawing could be sufficient (although the light is really horrible). I’ll try to add in update a colored blueprint version when it’s ready….or if I succeed in getting correct pens in time. Please excuse my clumsy English vocabulary]

  18. Zam Tinkerbottom says:

    Esteemed Council, I, Zam Tinkerbottom, Snaff Prize winner, stand before you here today to introduce to you my greatest innovation in Golemancy to date, to show you that some shrub is no match for one of the greatest mind in Tyria. Why should I, an engineer of such promise, submit to leaving my precious turrets lying on the ground, in reach of skritt hands? Those turrets aren’t free! Today I bring you the Engineer’s Mobile Turret Frame, or E.M.T.F.-02. Minds as keen as yours will notice that I have used only the finest in “duct tape” technology to hold my masterpiece together.

  19. Cassper says:

    Greetings fellow progenies and mentors alike. I have been hard at work creating my very first golem prototype, so without further ado I present T-HRN 2.4: Now with 1.4 more hero power!


    • Flummox says:

      I must object, thou advertisement is misleading since 0x1.4 is still 0!

      • Cassper says:

        Ah but this is Tactical Hero Robot Nodule version 2.4! He has been through vigorous testing! Helping old ladies cross bridges, watering plants in the greenhouse district, saving kittens from trees!

  20. Ceadon says:

    Hello, Salutations, Greetings.

    I am Apprentice Zaiey Xivok, the last surviving member of my Krewe, the living legacy of our research and efforts. I was by no means the brightest of us, merely the most fortunate, possibly the most cowardly. I will tell you of my Krewe, how they died, how I will complete our goal.

    We had been designing a golem, it was meant for a security contract, it would be used for crowd control. I was a recent graduate from the College of Dynamics, most of my Krewe were, we all wanted to make a name for ourselves. Our golems primary function was to incapacitate, we had been studying branded crystals, their conductivity allowed them to amplify electrical currents. To learn to harness them, it took us the better part of two years, we practically lived on the Dragonbrand. The first difficulty was finding durable specimens, most of the branded crystals would shatter, they could not maintain the needed power levels. Using only the purest of branded crystals, we outfitted our prototype golem, we acquired a suitable amount of Dolyaks for testing. The results of our first test, 100% of test subjects were incapacitated, yet so was our prototype. Overcharging the branded crystals had a side effect, dispelling the logic core of our golem, we needed to create a shielded core.

    We searched for materials that could shield logic cores, we searched for cores that didn’t need shields, we searched for Krewes that had solved this problem before. What we found was a rumor, a deep sea specimen collector golem, produced by the Inquest. We sent out an offer to the Inquest, royalties based on our golem productions, in exchange for their logic core design. Request denied, our funding was nearing an end, we hatched a desperate plan. We would steal the Inquest’s golem, reverse engineer it’s core, and break dance down the path to glory.

    Infiltration was easy, xenophobic Krewes with strict dress codes, imitation was elementary. Inside the underwater facility, we split up in ones and twos, we converged at the golem’s hangar. Half of us covered the exits, the rest dismantled the collector golem, I had to go pee. Interrupted mid-stream, an explosion rocked the hangar, we were under attack. Our watchers were pushed back, the dismantling unit worked feverishly to finish, we began to fall to the Inquest. As I moved to rejoin my Krewe, others broke rank, the Inquest was brutal and unforgiving. At the collector golem, only one member remained, Naxxi was always stubborn as a Centaur. Naxxi freed the core, he brandished it aloft, he looked so happy when they shot him. The core rolled across the floor, I was about to surrender, Naxxi never surrendered. All paths into the facility were blocked, the Inquest were not taking prisoners, I dove out the hangar’s bay into the briny deep.

    I was hunted for weeks, reprogramming the core as I ran, made it back to the lab. The prototype was waiting, the Inquest were waiting, I slammed in the core. Boot protocol number 1, Stun Wave, Lich Form and rode out the storm. The Inquest squad crumpled, the prototype merely stumbled, I rubbed my ears in relief.

    I am Zaiey Xivok, I am still hunted by the Inquest, our prototype has a name now. Naxxi-mus Prime, I will replicate him, My Krewe will be honored.